Like any other system, our emotional system, as known as “Nervous System” need to be maintained and regulated. When we are not emotionally regulated, we feel like a stranger in our body, we might feel confused or irritated or even overwhelmed because we just don’t know how to get connected to ourselves again.

The most intense example of a dysregulated system is when one has been in a very traumatic incident such as a motor vehicle accident (MVA) or combat veterans who had serve in the war. In these instances, body had lost its natural ability to regulate the emotional system and one is constantly feeling on-edge or dysregulated. One does no longer feel at control of how their body reacts to external stimuli and the emotional responses seem disproportionate or “irrational” from an external perspective. 

I use a trauma-informed lens in working with my clients. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms click here to book a free consultation with me. Trauma doesn’t disappear on its own and co-regulation is a skill that helps with trauma which happens in a safe therapeutic environment not isolation.

Emotion regulation and Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)

Emotion regulation and the autonomic nervous system (ANS) are closely linked. They influence each other in complex ways. The ANS controls involuntary bodily functions and is divided into two main branches:

1. Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS): Often referred to as the "fight or flight" system, it prepares the body for stressful or emergency situations by increasing heart rate, dilating pupils, and inhibiting digestion.

2. Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS): Known as the "rest and digest" system, it promotes relaxation, reduces heart rate, and stimulates digestion and other restorative processes.

The main complaint from survivors of trauma is that they are constantly worried “something bad might happen at any moment”. In a more technical term, this mean that “fight or flight” system is hyperactive, and regulation is needed to help the “fire alarm system” goes off again. Emotion regulation involves processes through which individuals influence their emotions, how they experience and express them. Effective emotion regulation starts with becoming mindful of your breathing. Our breathing is the anchor to the present moment, the deeper we breath, the more grounded we will feel, the more regulated our nervous system will be.

5 steps to practice emotion regulation

1. Identify the core emotion: as soon as you identify and label the emotion you are experiencing, your brain takes a sigh of relief because you got the message it was trying to send you! You can use the feeling wheel to identify the core emotion.

2. Identify the feeling: if you refer to the feeling wheel, you will see the wide range of feelings presented there. Try to learn which feelings you frequently experience. This specifically helps deepening your emotion regulation experience. Which is a more profound and insightful experience with a longer lasting result.

3. Explore the meaning behind those feelings: some feelings such as anger, envy, hatred & etc are just so intense and deeply engraved in our memories that we can’t just come into terms with them. These feelings are there to help you increase the quality of your life by decoding the meaning they hold onto. What type of meanings are you associating to your anger? Perhaps you have been treated poorly or unjustly and your anger is trying to tell you something like: “you deserve to be treated better! Don’t settle for less”. Imagine you ignore this strong feeling and the important message it is trying to communicate to you. You will lose the chance of improving your life by ignoring your feelings.

4. Make space to feel your feelings: Running away from your feelings is like running away from your shadow! It’s impossible. Instead, make space to process your feelings every day, create a safe, private space at home or even at work to disconnect from the outside world and tune into your inner world and listen to your feelings like a kind, compassionate parent who listens to their kid’s story after an adventurous day at school.

5. What your feelings need: Final step is to notice what does your feeling need to receive from you. Is it love? acceptance? maybe communicating some of your unmet needs to your partner? What do they need to soothe themselves down? This is the final and the most important step. This is where you take action to respond to your feelings in the most proper and least harmful way. By doing that, you are acknowledging your feeling. This also helps boosting your self-esteem which creates a sense of self-respect.

My name is Nikta Niazi and during sessions with my clients, I practice these steps regularly until it becomes their second nature. Emotion regulation is the key to living a better, happier life. If you need help to practice this skill, reach out to book a session.